The “Global Warming Solutions Act”
On Wednesday, September 27, 2006, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger signed Assembly Bill 32 into law. There was a fancy ceremony with dignitaries and luminaries and satellite feeds. Even though this bill was written by Fabian Nunez, Los Angeles Democrat and Assembly Speaker (whatever that is), I think it’s pretty obvious to all of us what is going on here.
Sure sure, the bill is called the California Global Warming Solutions Act of 2006, and it will use market-based incentives to reduce carbon emissions. It will create new mandatory reporting rules and an Environmental Justice Committee, and will ensure public participation in California Air Resource Board decisions. And, it impressed rich people with sexy accents, like Richard Branson (that’s Sir Richard Branson, to you), and some other fellow called Tony Blair, who joined in the festivities via satellite.…
But still, you can’t fool us. We can see right through your insidious plot Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger. We notice things. Like for example the bill’s requirement that carbon levels be reduced to those of 1990. Hmmm. I wonder why the carbon level emissions of 1990 are so special and desirable? I mean, apart from the fact that they were 25 percent lower than today’s.
Well, in 1990 apartheid ended in South Africa. The captain of the Exxon Valdez went on a bender and accidentally spilled some oil. The 49ers destroyed the Denver Broncos in Superbowl XXIV. The Royal Navy of New Zealand discontinued its rum ration (too bad Exxon didn’t). Gorbachev was elected president (of the Soviet Union, calm down), and Romania had a whole civil war. What else? Oh yeah. Arnold Schwarzenegger mattered.
Total Recall, then the most expensive film ever made in the history of everything, was released. So was the charming and disarming Kindergarten Cop (which, along with Goonies helped fuel the Astoria, Oregon real estate feeding frenzy). Then, just a year later, came Terminator 2; Judgement Day, which took us to a whole new level of cyborg- time travel-action fantasticness. It was then that all of those famous Schwarzeneggerisms were cemented into our popular culture vernacular. “Hasta la vista, baby” and “I’ll be back” became stand alone, independent, English language entities, and Arnold was at the peak of his black leather popularity.
In the rest of the 1990s he just turned goofy. Last Action Hero, True Lies, Junior, Batman and Robin (remember, he was Mr. Freeze?) and that was pretty much it. Some may argue that he redeemed himself with Terminator 3, but it’s pathetically obvious that this whole AB 32 thing is nothing more than a sad attempt at turning back the clock. Arnold wants us to peg our jeans, play some Roxette on the radio, and go back to wishing we could be as cool as he was - back to when carbon emissions were (apparently) right where they should have been.
On Wednesday, September 27, 2006, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger signed Assembly Bill 32 into law. There was a fancy ceremony with dignitaries and luminaries and satellite feeds. Even though this bill was written by Fabian Nunez, Los Angeles Democrat and Assembly Speaker (whatever that is), I think it’s pretty obvious to all of us what is going on here.
Sure sure, the bill is called the California Global Warming Solutions Act of 2006, and it will use market-based incentives to reduce carbon emissions. It will create new mandatory reporting rules and an Environmental Justice Committee, and will ensure public participation in California Air Resource Board decisions. And, it impressed rich people with sexy accents, like Richard Branson (that’s Sir Richard Branson, to you), and some other fellow called Tony Blair, who joined in the festivities via satellite.…
But still, you can’t fool us. We can see right through your insidious plot Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger. We notice things. Like for example the bill’s requirement that carbon levels be reduced to those of 1990. Hmmm. I wonder why the carbon level emissions of 1990 are so special and desirable? I mean, apart from the fact that they were 25 percent lower than today’s.
Well, in 1990 apartheid ended in South Africa. The captain of the Exxon Valdez went on a bender and accidentally spilled some oil. The 49ers destroyed the Denver Broncos in Superbowl XXIV. The Royal Navy of New Zealand discontinued its rum ration (too bad Exxon didn’t). Gorbachev was elected president (of the Soviet Union, calm down), and Romania had a whole civil war. What else? Oh yeah. Arnold Schwarzenegger mattered.
Total Recall, then the most expensive film ever made in the history of everything, was released. So was the charming and disarming Kindergarten Cop (which, along with Goonies helped fuel the Astoria, Oregon real estate feeding frenzy). Then, just a year later, came Terminator 2; Judgement Day, which took us to a whole new level of cyborg- time travel-action fantasticness. It was then that all of those famous Schwarzeneggerisms were cemented into our popular culture vernacular. “Hasta la vista, baby” and “I’ll be back” became stand alone, independent, English language entities, and Arnold was at the peak of his black leather popularity.
In the rest of the 1990s he just turned goofy. Last Action Hero, True Lies, Junior, Batman and Robin (remember, he was Mr. Freeze?) and that was pretty much it. Some may argue that he redeemed himself with Terminator 3, but it’s pathetically obvious that this whole AB 32 thing is nothing more than a sad attempt at turning back the clock. Arnold wants us to peg our jeans, play some Roxette on the radio, and go back to wishing we could be as cool as he was - back to when carbon emissions were (apparently) right where they should have been.
posted by kyle at 9:55 PM
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